Move Over Paula "Krispy Kreme" Deen

The Jumbaco!!!

Okay- Move over Paula Deen with your hamburger that uses Krispy Kreme Donuts for buns - Jack in the Box has come up with a great Idea for fatty food consumption...an idea, thought up by Jack Junior to put two tacos on a Jumbo Jack that apparentley in reality will never come to fruition as it was an advertising gimmick to get folks to buy the Jumbo Jack/Taco meal. Well, Jack Junior, I still think it is a good Idea.
HOW TO MAKE A "JUMBACO"
1 Jumbo Jack
2 Jack Tacos

Place one taco on plate, top with Jumbo Jack, place other taco on top. There you have a Jumbaco!

Dropping the F-Bomb Internationally

Never one to be shy about dropping an "F-Bomb" or two, when ever I took a language class, I used to be so saddened by the fact the instructors would not teach us how to cuss in those respective languages. In Junior High, Senorita Moore said No. In High School Frau Pauler said Nein. In college, Herr Hoem said Nei. I mean, really? Without this all important knowledge, how am I supposed to ever drive in a foreign country? Well thanks to Google Translater, I now can drop the F-bomb in any language I want.

Spanish: Vete a la mierda 

German: Fick dich 

Norwegian: faen ta deg 

Swedish: fan ta dig

Welsh: Ffyc chi 

Affrikaner: Fok jou 

Swahili: Fuck wewe

My New Years Resolutions for 2012

I don't as a rule have New Year's Resolutions, but I am willing to not be as mean as years past:

So for 2012:

I resolve to:

Not be so mean to Justin Beiber- I still can't stand him as a celebrity, but he has shown the ability to laugh at himself, and he has given much back to charity.

And For 2012, I resolve to not be so mean to Martha Stewart- That Bitch has everything. And she shares her DIY Ideas... so who am I to criticize?

Screw Up

This is the funniest thing I have seen in a while
I just love when one of my favorite dirty jokes from Junior High gets made into a video!

Buddy and Peggy Sue go on a date...Peggy Sue's Dad tries to make conversation with Buddy when he arrives to pick her up....

KatManDon't

The 4th of July is more popular in America than in any other country in the world.

Jokes.com
Arj Barker - American Pride
comedians.comedycentral.com
Futurama New Episodes It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Russell Simmon Stand-Up Comedy

Ya gotta love your mother~

I was trying to explain the 100 mile diet, and the locovore movement to my mom, and the fact I found local flour from Winthrop, WA. Then I told her I needed to get some local bacon. She asked if I could use prosciutto or pancetta in making the Parmesan bacon wrapped breadsticks. I told her it was possible but had no idea where to find them locally. She replied Oh- just go to Trader Joe's- they're only a mile away! Looks like I have more work ahead of me. Mom just doesn't get the 100 mile concept. But she tries. She is surprisingly supportive of Meat free Monday, as long as I am the one who doesn't eat meat on Mondays. Of course I mentioned that in regards to MFM, I don't need to eat TVP Chicken, I am happy with cheese and fruit, but she likes to see it as a challenge for her to make lunches using TVP products.

Look who came back!

Just like a dog who runs off, you don't see for days, and comes back after you get adjusted, get a new dog.. well... Look who came back:

MUGGSLY!!!

When I was walking the dog this morning, One of the Landscapers at Town Square Park stopped me and said "I think I have something that belongs to you- reached into his truck and brought out Muggsly! The landscaper said that he was working where I parked my truck on Friday, said he saw something shiny roll of my truck and found Muggsly. He also said he knew I walked here everyday so he picked Muggsly up and kept him until he saw me today.

The only damage to Number 1 was part of the lid broke off- still useable, just the part where you grab it for removal.

You know, it's silly, but there are some differences between Number 1 and Number 2- the handle on number 1 is a rubber type material and has a different feel than Number 2-which is a plastic type material. No. 1 fits my hand better it does.

So now I have two Muggsly's- I guess they will be all right together.

Hope they don't breed- or maybe I do- then I can sell Muggsly's all over the place.

Where do you live? I DON't KNOW

UPDATE: The general consensus is this is a Hoax. I have been fooled. Before April 1st!

A friend sent me this- perhaps the dumbest person on the face of the earth. What an argument for funding education.

NEW YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. ' It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.' After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was: 'Which of the following is the largest?' A) A Peanut B) An Elephant C) The Moon D) Hey, who you calling large? Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer. 'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.' Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure. 'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans. 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.' Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant. 'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.' Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds. 'Come on Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that can't be it.' To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice and pick 'The Moon.' 'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans. Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life. 'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to- live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.' Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'
Caution...they walk among us!

Happy Birthday, Romeo!

snnnf. My little pup is getting grown up. Today is Romeo's 4th birthday. We partied all weekend. Romeo got lots of new toys- Which he loves. But I found out he doesn't much like candles. Must have gotten that from a former owner. LOL Crunchy would like this dog- he only want's beeswax candles. So far my only complaint with Romeo since I adopted him is he has wanderlust-He likes to sneak off when we are in the front yard or do the great escape from the fenced back yard- if he chooses to escape the back yard god knows when I will see him- so far he has had one good outing- the end result being a bath- which he doesn't like much either. Another dog would have gotten away with playing in the mud- but not this white dog!

Anyway happy birthday Romi-pup! I hope there's many more!!!

A bright new day!

A joke from a co-worker

One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue , where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."

Making the best of a bad situation...

This cartoon is by David Horsey- An editorial cartoonist for the Seattle P-I and one of the best reasons to live in the Seattle area!

This is how I feel this winter...

How the hell could I live in a city that has no snow removal equiptment?

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

MY uncle sent me this humor-
Diary of a Snow Shoveler
Author unknown
December 8: 6:00 PM.
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0o. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30o and the pipes froze.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Christmas songs

And one from the Chipmunks!

Screw this- I'm joining the Green Team

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

Plumber Man

I love reading The Green Phone Booth . But my apologies to Grean Bean, Burbanmom, MamaBird (aka Jess Trev), The Purloined Letter and The Greeen Sheeep. But I notice something is missing:
Where the hell is the token Man???


I ask you ladies, would the League of Justice be the same without Wonder Woman? Would the fantastic four be fantastic without Invisible Girl/Woman?


Ladies and Gentlemen- I give you my alter-eco-ego

PLUMBER MAN

Can unclog plugged toilets with a single plunge, The Plumber Man has those special butt-crack muscles. Able to stop gushing leaks with a simple twist of a Pipe wrench; And he has the ability to fuse together PVC pipe with very little glue, He even has his own song-

Plumber Man (sung to the tune of "Spider Man")

Plumber man, plumber man,
Can make it flush like no one can
Stop a Leak? He’ll give it a try-
No more drips, now it’s dry
Look out here comes the Plumber Man

Now I am not giving a resume, nor am I applying for membership into the green phone booth but please remember that not all green super heroes are female!

A Thanksgiving joke

A joke from my Uncle Art - Happy Thanksgiving folks!

A young man named John received a parrot named ' Chief ' as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back; John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, 'I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior. ' John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

'May I ask what the turkey did? '

BE A CONSERVATION SENSATION!!!

I AM A DELICATE FLOWER...

It could happen!!!

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

I found this neat quiz thingy through Vioboy's Blog.

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Stu- and Sammy cat are all about energy conservation.

Here is a pic of the cat and dog resting.

Note Stu the dog put a blanket on. Usually you can find Sammy cat curled up around her mid section and that keeps her warm enough- but today sammy decided the pillow was a better option